You can’t know what marriage is like until you’re already in one. Instead of learning the truths of marriage the hard way, you can get some info from the experience of others. And what better place to go for short, on-point messages than Twitter?
Below are some of the best tweets about the married life we could find. Your married friends will easily confirm they are true.
You know you've been married a while when you can correctly answer "What's that one person's name in that movie about the thing?"
— zack (@Mr_Kapowski) November 4, 2016
I am the boss of me. And my wife is my boss’s boss.
— Kent Graham (@KentWGraham) December 31, 2015
Text from wife: I'm so sorry, I'm gonna be about half an hour late
Me [forgot we were even meeting, still in bed]: you always do this
— David Hughes (@david8hughes) November 6, 2016
Not to brag, but my husband just came back from shopping for my birthday gift, and he was carrying a Rite Aid bag.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) September 30, 2016
When you're married, 90% of a Friday night is asking "Do we have to go to this?"
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) November 5, 2016
Wife: can you pick up milk?
Me: [lifts gallon] yea it's easy
Wife: I mean from the store
Me: I would imagine it weighs the same there too
— brandAn Current Year (@LeBearGirdle) October 22, 2016
Basically marriage is just hiding your favorite snacks from each other
— Flirt (@1MeLrO) September 22, 2015
husband tries to dramatically break news by asking, "Are you sitting down?" and I'm like, sitting down is literally all I do
— Jenn (@lionheaded_) January 18, 2016
wife: Do you think you'll ever stop quoting "Gangsta's Paradise"?
me: The way things are going I don't know
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) January 21, 2015
ME: There's no i in team but there is one in pizza
WIFE: so you’re not going to share
ME: I am not going to share
— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) January 18, 2016
I wish there was more trust in my marriage like where I could buy produce without my wife inspecting it like she's appraising a diamond.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) November 2, 2016
"5 years ago i married my best friend, my soulmate, i love you"
"eat all the leftovers again and i will end you"
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) October 5, 2016